Friday, July 06, 2007

"Autobots- Roll Out!"

I took a break from writing my STAR TREK BOOK,

www.CaptainKirksGuideToWomen.com

and saw the TRANSFORMERS movie that I had been waiting for for over a year.
I was giddy with antici.....pation as the previews started, and there was one for some J.J, Abrams movei. At first I thought it was Star Trek XI, but the release date was wrong.. I guess well find out what that is later.

As for TRANSFORMERS, I liked it. I didn't LOVE it. There was a ton of fanboy stuff "One shall stand, one shall fall", and "Autobots- Roll out!" were quotes that excited the hell out of me.

However, the script was pretty bad, in that they spent ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME with stupid stuff. Megatron was only in it for 20 minutes, and fights were all too close up, so you couldn't see what was happening. For a lot of the shots, it was just a jumble of metal, and no distinguishable movement.

I wish they didn't spend so much time "Looking for the glasses", as they didn't have what they needed on them anyway.

Overall, I would say it was better than Fantastic Four, but not as good as Live Free or Die Hard.

It wasn't the movie it could have been, but it wasn't Daredevil either.

"Autobots- Roll Out!"

I took a break from writing my STAR TREK BOOK,

www.CaptainKirksGuideToWomen.com

and saw the TRANSFORMERS movie that I had been waiting for for over a year.
I was giddy with antici.....pation as the previews started, and there was one for some J.J, Abrams movei. At first I thought it was Star Trek XI, but the release date was wrong.. I guess well find out what that is later.

As for TRANSFORMERS, I liked it. I didn't LOVE it. There was a ton of fanboy stuff "One shall stand, one shall fall", and "Autobots- Roll out!" were quotes that excited the hell out of me.

However, the script was pretty bad, in that they spent ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME with stupid stuff. Megatron was only in it for 20 minutes, and fights were all too close up, so you couldn't see what was happening. For a lot of the shots, it was just a jumble of metal, and no distinguishable movement.

I wish they didn't spend so much time "Looking for the glasses", as they didn't have what they needed on them anyway.

Overall, I would say it was better than Fantastic Four, but not as good as Live Free or Die Hard.

It wasn't the movie it could have been, but it wasn't Daredevil either.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Joining the Procrasti Nation...

TODAY Captain Kirk's Guide To Women gets far.

Yesterday, instead of writing my Star Trek Book- WHICH IS COMING OUT IN FEBRUARY, I decided to make a joke:

http://www.TheNationOfProcrasti.com
and
http://www.TheProcasti-Nation.com

I also spent time doing something to http://www.TheMoneyMakingParty.com

But today- TODAY Captain Kirk's Guide To Women gets far.

I watched "The Gamesters of Triskelion", and it was SOOO good!!

Joining the Procrasti Nation...

TODAY Captain Kirk's Guide To Women gets far.

Yesterday, instead of writing my Star Trek Book- WHICH IS COMING OUT IN FEBRUARY, I decided to make a joke:

http://www.TheNationOfProcrasti.com
and
http://www.TheProcasti-Nation.com

I also spent time doing something to http://www.TheMoneyMakingParty.com

But today- TODAY Captain Kirk's Guide To Women gets far.

I watched "The Gamesters of Triskelion", and it was SOOO good!!

Monday, July 02, 2007

I'm a member of the Procrasti-Nation

Dude, write your book- it's due soon!

I know, I know, but I am SOOO EXCITED about
http://www.TheMoneyMakingParty.com

Yes, you should be, but we have a BOOK DUE soon!

Ok- I'll tell you what, I'll work on
TheMoneyMakingParty.com,
and YOU work on www.CaptainKirksGuideToWomen.com

That won't work- we BOTH need the hands.

True.

Ok, then how about you work on the book, and I'll just TELL everyone about
www.TheMoneyMakingParty.com

Deal.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

In McClaine We Trust!!


We just came from seeing LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD- and...

YIPPEE-KAY-YAY- MOFO!!!

John McClaine does it again- he takes a lickin', and keeps on tickin- despite being shot at, thrown out of cars, and just barely escaping explosions, he'll take you for a great ride.

We LAUGHED at some of the ways he escapes danger, or gets the bad guys, but we were laughing with SATISFACTION.

A great feeling.

So far, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD is winning "movie of the summer"- I may even like this one more than the third one.

In McClaine We Trust!!


We just came from seeing LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD- and...

YIPPEE-KAY-YAY- MOFO!!!

John McClaine does it again- he takes a lickin', and keeps on tickin- despite being shot at, thrown out of cars, and just barely escaping explosions, he'll take you for a great ride.

We LAUGHED at some of the ways he escapes danger, or gets the bad guys, but we were laughing with SATISFACTION.

A great feeling.

So far, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD is winning "movie of the summer"- I may even like this one more than the third one.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I am writing a book on Star Trek.

What does this have to do with you?

Well, what I learned about Internet marketing is being used here.

The way I got my Agent? Marketing.
The way we got to the publisher? Marketing.

I even maed a website because I learned how to make one before,
and I made it so people could sign up early. I learned it all from
working at home- how cool is that?

I NEVER thought that I would be able to transfer any of that knowledge,
but I'm using it for TREK!!!!!

You can keep learning and growing too- go for it!

Star-Trek Book- "WARP-SPEED AHEAD!!!"

I found out that my STAR TREK book is due a LOT sooner than I was originally told-

It was SUPPOSED to come out along with the new Star Trek Movie in December of 2008,
(and by the way, I REALLY want Shatner to be in it)
but APPARENTLY, they want it to come out 10 MONTHS Earlier- Valentines' Day, 2008!!!

So, I am gettin' cranking, and writing my Star Trek Book like Mad!!

Oh- wanna know all about it?

Well, here goes: "Captain Kirk's Guide To Women- How to Romance Any Woman In The Galaxy"

And here's the new webpage: http://www.CaptainKirksGuideToWomen.com
or just http://www.KirksGuide.com for short.

This is a made-up version of the cover:

Star-Trek Book- "WARP-SPEED AHEAD!!!"

I found out that my STAR TREK book is due a LOT sooner than I was originally told-

It was SUPPOSED to come out along with the new Star Trek Movie in December of 2008,
(and by the way, I REALLY want Shatner to be in it)
but APPARENTLY, they want it to come out 10 MONTHS Earlier- Valentines' Day, 2008!!!

So, I am gettin' cranking, and writing my Star Trek Book like Mad!!

Oh- wanna know all about it?

Well, here goes: "Captain Kirk's Guide To Women- How to Romance Any Woman In The Galaxy"

And here's the new webpage: http://www.CaptainKirksGuideToWomen.com
or just http://www.KirksGuide.com for short.

This is a made-up version of the cover:

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Progressive Commercial...

I had some people ask me to chronicle some of my acting adventures, so I thought I would talk about the commercial auditions I go on, and discuss their marketing.

Today I auditioned for "Progressive Auto Insurance"- They had me hold up a picture of a tow truck :"This represents the number of accidents in Florida", then I held up a Dollar sign next to it. "This represents Progressive's Rates".

"When number of accidents go down" I lowered the tow truck, "Then your insurance rates go down" I lowered the Dollar sign. "That means more money in your pocket".

Good commercial.

Why?

Well, I like that they were making their point visually (As I understand it, they want the signs to be lowered on an automatic car window), and it was to the point. It's also a great concept for insurance rates.

However, since I'm a know-it-all, I added at the last line "That means more money in your pocket FOR NEON LIGHTS AND FLAMINGOES"- that's a Florida joke. Not great, but I was adding specificity to the ad.

Will I get it? Who knows- they were looking for a "Zach Branth" or whatever his name is from Scrubs. Do I look like him?

Ah- this is ALSO a crazy business!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

DOA: Dead or Alive



What the hell is everyone's problem?

This movie was AWESOME.

Very stupid, with awful dialogue, an I've-seen-worse plot, but AWESOME.

Look, here's how I rate movies:

How much did I enjoy watching it?

Period.

I enjoyed watching this quite a bit. Hot chicks fighting. What on EARTH else are you looking for?

This is MILES better than Daredevil
LEAGUES better than Elektra
ZILLION times better than the Hulk.

As far as THIS summer goes, it's better than Spider-man 3, better than Pirates 3, and better than Fantastic Four 2.

People keep comparing it to Charlies' Angels 2, and I LOVE that movie!
Maybe I'm just a sucker for hot chicks.

Not that "I've seen worse" is a great endorsement, but DOA was fun, it tried to be funny, and it tried to have a sensible plot. I laughed an AWFUL lot (not necessarily at things that were supposed to be funny), and now I have Eric Roberts in my mind saying:

"Our Nanobots were working OVERTIME with that one"

And by the way, I am now IN LOVE with Jaime Pressly.

DOA= Diggin' Obvious Assets.

DOA= Don't Obfuscate Awesomeness.

DOA= Do Outfits Attract?

Add some more!

DOA: Dead or Alive



What the hell is everyone's problem?

This movie was AWESOME.

Very stupid, with awful dialogue, an I've-seen-worse plot, but AWESOME.

Look, here's how I rate movies:

How much did I enjoy watching it?

Period.

I enjoyed watching this quite a bit. Hot chicks fighting. What on EARTH else are you looking for?

This is MILES better than Daredevil
LEAGUES better than Elektra
ZILLION times better than the Hulk.

As far as THIS summer goes, it's better than Spider-man 3, better than Pirates 3, and better than Fantastic Four 2.

People keep comparing it to Charlies' Angels 2, and I LOVE that movie!
Maybe I'm just a sucker for hot chicks.

Not that "I've seen worse" is a great endorsement, but DOA was fun, it tried to be funny, and it tried to have a sensible plot. I laughed an AWFUL lot (not necessarily at things that were supposed to be funny), and now I have Eric Roberts in my mind saying:

"Our Nanobots were working OVERTIME with that one"

And by the way, I am now IN LOVE with Jaime Pressly.

DOA= Diggin' Obvious Assets.

DOA= Don't Obfuscate Awesomeness.

DOA= Do Outfits Attract?

Add some more!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Why your palm hurts....

I LOVE my cellphone/pda the TREO 650.
This love for my device has a good lesson in it- and
it's not what you think.

It's ok to love an inanimate object.

Excuse me-

wait a second-

this message is to tell you why I now HATE
by cellphone/pda TREO 650.

I found out recently that the pictures I have been taking and saving to my
computer were actually NOT being saved to it.

I figured it was something I had done wrong, but after spending an HOUR
with 4 different people from PALMONE, found out that the software that
connects my phone to my computer ONLY does that if you use the software
FROM THE CD that came with the device.

That means that the software (of the same name) that I had to DOWNLOAD from THEIR
site- the "UPGRADED" version does NOT have that functionality.

I asked why not- as any customer would, and the answer was that they
didn't have the rights to send it online, only with a CD.

So- "SEND ME A CD."

"Sure- that'll be $19.95"

HELL NO. I bought the damn thing, I used the CD, but eventually had to UPGRADE, and now they said that I have to PAY to get the functions that were supposed to be there to begin with?

That was after an hour, by the way.

So guess what? I'm going to get the CD from a friend who still has his,
and then instead of getting the NEW TREO 700, or 750, or 800,

I'll be buying an I-Phone.

I think you should too.

F*CK PalmOne.

So what's the lesson? Don't THROW your customers to your competitors
by being stupid.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Swanky Bar, Empire State Building

We're at a swanky bar! This place is called The Rooftop, on 27th and 5th ave. The last picture is Laura and Meital...Nice, huh?

Swanky Bar, Empire State Building

We're at a swanky bar! This place is called The Rooftop, on 27th and 5th ave. The last picture is Laura and Meital...Nice, huh?

Mediocre 4 and the Silver Surfer...

Ah, well.

At least it wasn't as bad as the first one.

Although if someone were to argue that it was worse, I wouldn't have much defense. It's not like it was HORRIBLE, just kinda boring and cliche.

When are the writers just going to not be so corny? Why on EARTH did Sue Storm have to be a whiny brat about her marriage? She couldn't see that THE WORLD was more important than her wedding? BOOOOORING. And dumb. And Sue Storm is NOT one of those women.

As for the Silver Surfer Story- meh.

Anyway, not as bad as Spider-man 3, but dull nonetheless.

My favorite part?

The Transformers preview beforehand.

So far, only "Knocked up" has done a good job.
I hope Transformers saves this summer!

Mediocre 4 and the Silver Surfer...

Ah, well.

At least it wasn't as bad as the first one.

Although if someone were to argue that it was worse, I wouldn't have much defense. It's not like it was HORRIBLE, just kinda boring and cliche.

When are the writers just going to not be so corny? Why on EARTH did Sue Storm have to be a whiny brat about her marriage? She couldn't see that THE WORLD was more important than her wedding? BOOOOORING. And dumb. And Sue Storm is NOT one of those women.

As for the Silver Surfer Story- meh.

Anyway, not as bad as Spider-man 3, but dull nonetheless.

My favorite part?

The Transformers preview beforehand.

So far, only "Knocked up" has done a good job.
I hope Transformers saves this summer!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Freakin' Giuliani....!!!!

When Giuliani was Mayor of New York- way before 9/11, Matt Kalman of www.TheJokeProject.com and I made up an improv about him.

It was later stolen by Saturday Night Live.

It was about two guys who blamed EVERYTHING on "Freakin' Giuliani"
(Of course, when we did it, it was "Fuckin' Giuliani")

People in New York were mad at the time because Rudy closed down the strip clubs and made 42nd street into Disney world.

But it was safer, and I WAAAAAAAYYYYY preferred it to David Dinkins' New York, which was savage beatings and crime u the wazzoo.

In fact I liked Giuliani, and was ALL for him as mayor.

Now that he's running for President, everyone is acting like he did nothing before 9/11, and I wanna say that's BULL.

I'm not saying I'm voting for him, but I AM saying that he was an EXCELLENT mayor, and his opposition is taking cheap shots about 9/11 being his only display of leadership.

And mind you- it was a heck of a display.

Now then- I would ALSO like to tell Rudy to slow down on all the 9/11 posturing too.
I think his advisers are telling him to say 9/11 all the time, just so we stay reminded- I don't need reminding.

Just show us what you got NOW Rudy- I think it's a lot.

"Man.... my feet hurt today... all this concrete everywhere makes my feet hurt... "FUCKIN' GIUIANI!!!"

Freakin' Giuliani....!!!!

When Giuliani was Mayor of New York- way before 9/11, Matt Kalman of www.TheJokeProject.com and I made up an improv about him.

It was later stolen by Saturday Night Live.

It was about two guys who blamed EVERYTHING on "Freakin' Giuliani"
(Of course, when we did it, it was "Fuckin' Giuliani")

People in New York were mad at the time because Rudy closed down the strip clubs and made 42nd street into Disney world.

But it was safer, and I WAAAAAAAYYYYY preferred it to David Dinkins' New York, which was savage beatings and crime u the wazzoo.

In fact I liked Giuliani, and was ALL for him as mayor.

Now that he's running for President, everyone is acting like he did nothing before 9/11, and I wanna say that's BULL.

I'm not saying I'm voting for him, but I AM saying that he was an EXCELLENT mayor, and his opposition is taking cheap shots about 9/11 being his only display of leadership.

And mind you- it was a heck of a display.

Now then- I would ALSO like to tell Rudy to slow down on all the 9/11 posturing too.
I think his advisers are telling him to say 9/11 all the time, just so we stay reminded- I don't need reminding.

Just show us what you got NOW Rudy- I think it's a lot.

"Man.... my feet hurt today... all this concrete everywhere makes my feet hurt... "FUCKIN' GIUIANI!!!"

Monday, June 11, 2007

The Raisbeck's become Seattle's "First Citizens"...

Last week, we went to a dinner in Seattle being given to celebrate my Mother-in-law and Step-Father-in-Laws' philanthropy. It was a pretty swanky deal, with speakers talking all night about the generosity of "Jim and Sherry". I felt really proud to be the newest member of the family, and inspired to get to it and do my part. Here are some pics!





You may notice that James isn't in any of these pictures... well, it turns out that he got ill, and had to miss the whole event! He made it by phone though (technology saves the day!), and made just enough jokes to end the night right.

Our friend Vafa took some other great shots, and you can see his work here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/VafaVoss/Raisbeck1stCitizenAward?authkey=O9H2qDIHIaY

The Raisbeck's become Seattle's "First Citizens"...

Last week, we went to a dinner in Seattle being given to celebrate my Mother-in-law and Step-Father-in-Laws' philanthropy. It was a pretty swanky deal, with speakers talking all night about the generosity of "Jim and Sherry". I felt really proud to be the newest member of the family, and inspired to get to it and do my part. Here are some pics!





You may notice that James isn't in any of these pictures... well, it turns out that he got ill, and had to miss the whole event! He made it by phone though (technology saves the day!), and made just enough jokes to end the night right.

Our friend Vafa took some other great shots, and you can see his work here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/VafaVoss/Raisbeck1stCitizenAward?authkey=O9H2qDIHIaY

The Borg-ginning....


I have been saying this for at least a year now, and I am documenting it now, just so I can say "I told you so":

The Bluetooth headset is the beginning of us becoming CYBORGS.

It's not just that people seem crazy when they're wearing it, and talking, but you can't see it. It's that some people wear it while they're NOT talking to anybody-

When they are WAITING for a call.

That's entirely different that the person who is always on their phone, or the amputee who has had his arm replaced. Those people are USING the technology they have.

When someone is wearing a bluetooth headset WAITING for a call- it is an actual ENHANCEMENT to the human being- a non-necessary, and attribute-enhancing device that IMPROVES the human to accept communications.

Think about it.

When we're all cyborg, we're going to look back into history and see that the bluetooth headset was the beginning of our change.

Some people are scared of that idea.

I think it's AWESOME, and I can't WAIT to assimilate Pam Anderson!

The Borg-ginning....


I have been saying this for at least a year now, and I am documenting it now, just so I can say "I told you so":

The Bluetooth headset is the beginning of us becoming CYBORGS.

It's not just that people seem crazy when they're wearing it, and talking, but you can't see it. It's that some people wear it while they're NOT talking to anybody-

When they are WAITING for a call.

That's entirely different that the person who is always on their phone, or the amputee who has had his arm replaced. Those people are USING the technology they have.

When someone is wearing a bluetooth headset WAITING for a call- it is an actual ENHANCEMENT to the human being- a non-necessary, and attribute-enhancing device that IMPROVES the human to accept communications.

Think about it.

When we're all cyborg, we're going to look back into history and see that the bluetooth headset was the beginning of our change.

Some people are scared of that idea.

I think it's AWESOME, and I can't WAIT to assimilate Pam Anderson!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

My ROCKIN' Birthday Present!!



Thanks to Rick, Meital, Ian and Noha for getting me "Guitar Hero II" for my XBOX 360!!
I'm FINALLY going to ROCK!

Funny thing is that Laura got it for me too! What does it say about me that I got a game for ages 12 and up for my 35th birthday?

Who cares- I'm ROCKIN' BABY!!!!!!

My ROCKIN' Birthday Present!!



Thanks to Rick, Meital, Ian and Noha for getting me "Guitar Hero II" for my XBOX 360!!
I'm FINALLY going to ROCK!

Funny thing is that Laura got it for me too! What does it say about me that I got a game for ages 12 and up for my 35th birthday?

Who cares- I'm ROCKIN' BABY!!!!!!

Saturday, June 09, 2007

I don't give a Horse's Ass!

New York is filthy.

Sometimes I don't realize it because when you live in filth, it's hard to see it.

A fish doesn't know it's in water.

When I go to other cities, I notice how clean they all are.

I'm not quite sure how to fix all of it, but I have one thing that would make a HUGE difference to me, and if I were Mayor, the FIRST thing I would do is:

GET RID OF THE HORSE CARRIAGES.

I don't wanna hear about how tourists love them, and they want to see Central Park in one.

Who cars what they want?

The Horseshit gets all over the road, and it stinks. And then it dries and flies through the air when cars pass it.

People say they are nostalgic for a tour of Central park, but I say let the pedicabs do it, or let's get some electric horses made- POST HASTE.

Not to mention that these horses are NOT happy horses.

When I run for Mayor, my double-entendre slogan will be:

"Get rid of the HorseShit"

Vote for Bones for Mayor of New York.

I don't give a Horse's Ass!

New York is filthy.

Sometimes I don't realize it because when you live in filth, it's hard to see it.

A fish doesn't know it's in water.

When I go to other cities, I notice how clean they all are.

I'm not quite sure how to fix all of it, but I have one thing that would make a HUGE difference to me, and if I were Mayor, the FIRST thing I would do is:

GET RID OF THE HORSE CARRIAGES.

I don't wanna hear about how tourists love them, and they want to see Central Park in one.

Who cars what they want?

The Horseshit gets all over the road, and it stinks. And then it dries and flies through the air when cars pass it.

People say they are nostalgic for a tour of Central park, but I say let the pedicabs do it, or let's get some electric horses made- POST HASTE.

Not to mention that these horses are NOT happy horses.

When I run for Mayor, my double-entendre slogan will be:

"Get rid of the HorseShit"

Vote for Bones for Mayor of New York.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

A Mutha-F*%kin P-I-M-P...

I am ALWAYS telling people to put their money in different places.
I like to take money from businesses and buy real estate.
At least, that's the plan right now.

Gangsta Rapper 50 Cent has a different plan:

According to Allhiphop.com, Coca Cola has purchased Glaceau, the creator of the highly successful Vitamin Water franchise for $4.1 billion dollars. 50 Cent, who owns 10% of the business, will earn over $400 million dollars from the transaction.

Not bad for Rhyming over beats, huh?

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Your Commercial Sucks- Dominoe's Pizza

There is a commercial on right now for Dominoes where there is a couple in a hot tub, and just when they are about to kiss, the dominoes delivery guy says "3 medium Pizzas for 5 bucks?" or something like that. Actually sounds like a good deal.

The woman then eyes the pizzas, and they cut. When we come back, we see that the woman left BOTH of the guys in the tub alone.

What a FREAKIN' STUPID IDEA!!!!

That does NOT make me want to get Pizza. The lesson I learned in that commercial was that if I get those pizzas, I'll LOSE the girl!

I guess I had better NOT buy those pizzas- even if it IS a good deal!!

Your commercial SUCKS Dominoes.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

We're in Seattle!

We're in Seattle! My mother and Step-dad in laws are being honored this weekend, so we're here for a few days. My birthday is next week 35 YIKES!

We're in Seattle!

We're in Seattle! My mother and Step-dad in laws are being honored this weekend, so we're here for a few days. My birthday is next week 35 YIKES!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

My Wife gets a NEW husband!!

Wow! i'm new CLEAN-SHAVEN Bones! (I have an audition, and they wanted me clean shaven!) My wife gets a NEW husband!

My Wife gets a NEW husband!!

Wow! i'm new CLEAN-SHAVEN Bones! (I have an audition, and they wanted me clean shaven!) My wife gets a NEW husband!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I'm BACK from Haiti and Jamaica!!



I had the BEST time- I missed my wife terribly, but I HAD THE BEST TIME!!

Next year, I want to bring 100 people with us- don't YOU wanna come?

Sunday, April 29, 2007

My Beautiful Wife...


Laura got some new headshots, and I just wanted everyone to see what a beautiful cutey she is!

My Beautiful Wife...


Laura got some new headshots, and I just wanted everyone to see what a beautiful cutey she is!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The BEST Scam Ever!!

Ok- so you don't care WHAT you do, what the hell kind of opportunity, business, or scam that you can get into, you just wanna get some cash, be successful, and rock the world, right?

I don't blame you.

Well I have a BIG secret for you- a BIG SECRET that the government, society, and your friends don't want you to know- a secret SO POWERFUL, that it can make you Rich, Beautiful, and best of all- RIGHT all the time!

Listen carefully to part one:

1- You can get RICH by doing PRACTICALLY NOTHING!!

All you have to do is investigate any or all of the opportunities you see, spend ALL of your money on CD's, DVD's, Beer, and hookers- then you sit back and watch the cash roll in! DO NOT attempt to READ anything or LEARN anything, just BUY IT. DO NOT follow any directions, and for GOD'S SAKE watch ALL of the TV you can- but don't TRY too hard!

That's right- just by being lazy and doing NOTHING you can get rich! The government doesn't want you to know these CAREFULLY GUARDED SECRETS, but I'm telling you-

You can do NOTHING- just be sure to BLAME everyone else for your "misfortune".

This BLAME is the key! You can GUILT people into giving you money!!



That's how simple it is!!! Just DO NOTHING to make money, and then GUILT someone who IS making money and being "productive" into giving you some!

IT'S SO SIMPLE!!!

These tactics were long-guarded secrets, but humans forgot about them. We now are living in an age that makes this possible again!

This time-tested secret works not only with money, but with OTHER parts of your life too:

2- You can become BEAUTIFUL and FIT by doing PRACTICALLY NOTHING!!

DO NOT exercise, and DO NOT eat well. In fact, if you sit in front of the television, and ONLY EAT what is advertised and is in a box, you'll do very well with this ancient secret.

Continue to SHOVEL food into your mouth, and be sure not to burn any calories doing it- then when you get FAT and SICK, you can blame the government, food companies, your parents, and SOCIETY for your "health issues"!

By using this BLAMING technique, you'll be able to GUILT them all into paying your medical bills, insurance costs (they rise y'know), and you'll get them to visit YOU because of your new-found "conditions".

Not to mention that you can GUILT them into liking you!

If you become unattractive to the opposite sex, you can call them shallow and one-dimensional. You can say things like "They just want us to be perfect". You can say that they have NO DEPTH of LOVE for your "true" self, and only your body.

And if you find someone who DOES like your new look and shape, you can guilt them for having a "sick-o fetish" for fatties- DON'T PUT UP WITH IT!!

Guilt and Shame- they work EVERYTIME!!

3- You can be RIGHT about EVERYTHING- ALL THE TIME- by doing PRACTICALLY NOTHING!!

This one I admit takes a little genuine idea-creating on your side, but if you practice, it's something you can do anywhere, anytime, and it NEVER FAILS:

During any conversation where you think someone is saying something that you disagree with (or even if they don't say it, but they LOOK like someone who would), just say these words:

"THAT'S WHAT GOD SAYS; IT'S IN THE BIBLE"

If they begin to talk, or ask any STUPID QUESTIONS that might contradict you, CUT THEM OFF and say again:

"THAT'S WHAT GOD SAYS; IT'S IN THE BIBLE"

This is a fool-proof way to ALWAYS BE RIGHT, and NEVER have to listen to anyone else again!

You use the same BLAME and GUILT techniques I've been describing for you- you BLAME GOD by saying that it's what "HE" (or "SHE" if you're having THAT argument) says, and then GUILT them by being shocked that they don't know that already- AS THEY SHOULD.

This works for Jews, Muslims, and Christians the best, but if you're of a DIFFERENT faith that is 100% correct all the time too, you can make up your OWN bible, or just say "HE (or SHE) TOLD ME IN PRAYER"- that works too.

So remember- BLAME and GUILT are ALWAYS available to you, and the more your practice the more you will be

RICH, BEAUTIFUL AND RIGHT ALL THE TIME!!

CONGRATS!!
What IS Money?

Man Alive! There was a time when I just spent money as fast as I had it.

Why?

I think it had something to do with not understanding what money was.

I used to think that it was created to be spent, and it didn't matter what it was spent on, but as long as I didn't have it- it was ok.

Maybe it had something to do with always seeing people around me doing that, or because I had some issues about my skin color! Maybe it was just that I didn't have anyone to tell me what money really is-

It is ENERGY.

The energy of CHOICE.

When you have more money, you have more choices-
everyone knows that, but what you maybe don't know is that the less money you have, the less choices you have.

When you've got it, you can choose your doctors, your education, your friends. When you don't, you are going to the worst places, the worst people, and the worst friends. that's right- I said it.

Poor people make WORSE friends because they'll sell you out for enough money! Hell, I'd trade you in right now! - just kidding.... (well, wait- how much?) but you know what I mean.

Poor people do NOT go to the best doctors, and they don't get to go to the best schools. If you start to think of money as energy, and choice energy, then maybe those new sneakers won't be so cool.

Or maybe buying that STUPID ASS ringtone won't be so alluring.

Now, don't get me wrong- if you want these things, then great, but I just want you to realize that you are taking away from some of your other choices, or rather that if you want that, and the same choice, then you should make more money.

There is enough money in the world for everyone, just as there are enough choices for everyone, but some of us squander it. I used to do that all the time, and I can't say that this energy idea came as a flash. It came slowly, as I realized my friends spent money on things that I slowly lost interest in.

Wow- Drugs are a waste of time! I mean, they can be fun, I guess, but they're just not something that you should INVEST IN, y'know?

So, think about that- when you are investing TIME and ENERGY (both are money), make SURE you know where you want it to go.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

I'm going on a CRUISE!!

YEEHAW!!

I'm going on a 5-day cruise to HAITI and to JAMAICA!!!

I won the cruise through my new business
(I made $640 in one week), and it was one of the rewards.

But, here's the bad part:

Laura can't leave her new JOB, so I am going without her!

Weird, but I'll be hanging out with some of my new business friends,
so I figure we'll just talk shop, go swimming, and write it all off!!!

I'm going on a CRUISE!!

YEEHAW!!

I'm going on a 5-day cruise to HAITI and to JAMAICA!!!

I won the cruise through my new business
(I made $640 in one week), and it was one of the rewards.

But, here's the bad part:

Laura can't leave her new JOB, so I am going without her!

Weird, but I'll be hanging out with some of my new business friends,
so I figure we'll just talk shop, go swimming, and write it all off!!!
QuittersSuck.com

There's a plague in the world.

In the world of HALO, a game on the XBOX 360, the main
character can fight and overcome amazing odds- including
destroying a planet full of Zombie-like mutants.

However, this plague is invincible.

It's the plague of QUITTING.

Whenever I play HALO online with people from all over the world,
what ruins the game is the inevitable QUITTING of some of the players.

What can begin as a challenging 4-on-4 deathmatch can quickly deteriorate
into a boring 2-on-4 stompfest.

Boring for the 2, and REALLY boring for the 4.

And it's because of PANSY-ASS, NO GUTS-HAVING, QUITTERS.

You can't have a good game when people quit before it's over.
The winners don't feel like winners, and the losers feel cheated.

IF YOU QUIT DURING A GAME, YOU SUCK.

And of course, this is not just about HALO, but about anything-
including the game of life- so many people quit before the game is over;
It's no wonder that people have trouble being happy.

You either WIN or you LEARN, but when you quit, you LOSE.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Tough as MORTAR...

Last week I invited one of my customers to TheMoneyMakingParty.com, and she immediately got angry with me:

"All you guys do is promote stuff, and then never help anyone, and then I spend all
this money, and never make anything!"

Well, I was a little taken aback.

"You're ALL SCAMMERS" she said.

But instead of explaining what "Personal Responsibility" meant, I decided to dig a little deeper.

Turns out that she had just bought some "Ebay business marketing package" for $3700 and she was very frustrated. She said that it came with loads of info, but it was too much to digest, and with what she did, she had not made any money at all.

I asked her a bunch of questions, and it sounded like it was a good deal, with a lot of info, but just too much for her to handle.

I then asked her what she did with the product she bought from me for $57.

$3643 dollars less.

She had created a site about smoothies and health products, but really hadn't made any money with that either.

She sent me to the site, and I could see why.

She had done the EASIEST thing to do with my system, which of course SO MANY others had done, so the competition was knocking her out. She couldn't make any money because other people were doing what she was doing, but doing it BETTER.

So, I asked her some more about herself.

At first she got mad and angry when she told me that she has spent a ton of money on work-at-home things- which she called "scams"- but had never turned a profit.

I asked what else she did.

And that's when she said it.

I laughed and had to ask her again.

She said it, and I had to ask for clarification.

She said "Well, I have a hobby of creating mortar garden fountains by hand"

She BUILT FOUNTAINS BY HAND??

Not only that, but she made them for her friends and neighbors. She loved doing it, and she often went to the store to find different rocks and stones to build them.

SO I asked her the $1 MILLION dollar question:

"If you can do THAT, why on EARTH are you making Websites about SMOOTHIES?"

"..." was her answer.

I told her that what she was doing was a skill that people would LOVE to learn.
Not only that, but they would PAY HER to teach it.
MOREOVER, they would buy books about it, dvds about it, and live advice.
They would even hire her to make them and have them sent.
Then I gave her my BEST secret about what she should do with it.

I explained that THIS is where her business should be.

Mind you, this phone call was almost an hour long, and she got my time for free.

I explained to her how she could use some of the ideas and techniques in the system she got from me to implement her MORTAR FOUNTAIN business.

On top of that- I told her how she could use what she learned in the $3700 course on Ebay for selling her fountains and her skills on Ebay.

She was excited.

I could hear her breathing go from shallow angry breaths to deep, fast breaths.
I could tell her head was swimming with possibilities.

I told her how she could make a TON of money doing what she loved, and that all she had to do was apply what she had spent all this time learning.

I could hear her smile was reaching from ear to ear.

Then she said it.

Bomb #1:

She said "But I don't know anyone who's interested in that"

I told her- "you are- and you cannot be the only one. That's what the internet is FOR- to FIND people who have your passion for the same thing"

Then she said another:

Bomb#2:

She said "But I couldn't describe how I do it in a book"

I told her- "Sure you can, and you can have someone interview you about it, and you can just talk. You can create ANYTHING around it."

Then she said another. And another. And another.

EXCUSES that were really just her fears.

I had to raise my voice at her!

I told her that HER WEALTH was right in front of her right now, and she was CHOOSING to fail before she even got started.

She recognized it, and smiled big.
Took a deep breath, and said words I LOVE to hear:

"Bones, you're right!"

Hahaha! Jackpot!

She told me she would think about what I said, and maybe get started.

I was thrilled and excited because I was able to help someone who started the conversation by calling me a scammer, and help her find EXACTLY what would make her happy and wealthy.

I even told Laura this story later that day, and I have been thinking about her for a week.

I decided to call her today to see how she had fared, and if I could help her-
Just 'cuz I'm a good guy like that.

Y'know what?

She had done NOTHING.

NOT A THING.

She told me that she couldn't make a dvd because she didn't have a digital camera.

Oh well.

Another one bites the dust.

At least I know now that it was HER ALL ALONG.

I wish I had a happy ending for this story, but right now, it's just dead.

I certainly hope she chooses differently, and it got me thinking about in what way do I refuse success?

Actually, I think I already know the answer to that.

I gotta go now- I have to go call Steven Spielberg!

Monday, April 16, 2007

An "Oh my GOD!" Every 30 seconds...

Every 30 seconds I'm amazed.

Or awed.

Or fascinated.

Laura and I have been watching "PLANET EARTH" on Discovery HD, and it's by far the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

And it's ALL on my planet!

We've already ordered the DVDs (in HD of course) and I am looking forward to watching it all again.

I would like to summarize and give you some highlights, but it's completely ridiculous- it would take longer to write about than to see it yourself.

See it!

An "Oh my GOD!" Every 30 seconds...

Every 30 seconds I'm amazed.

Or awed.

Or fascinated.

Laura and I have been watching "PLANET EARTH" on Discovery HD, and it's by far the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

And it's ALL on my planet!

We've already ordered the DVDs (in HD of course) and I am looking forward to watching it all again.

I would like to summarize and give you some highlights, but it's completely ridiculous- it would take longer to write about than to see it yourself.

See it!
Hey- I didn't expect that!

Don'tcha LOVE it when you get a surprise check in the mail?

Today, I got paid for a "LAW and ORDER SVU" episode that I shot- THREE YEARS AGO!!

Yeah, so I did it three years ago, (I said three words) and I got paid when I shot it, when it played, when it's played in syndication, and apparently a few more times.

I LOVE residual income!!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

A WEIRD Business

MLM is a weird business; it's actually the REVERSE of a regular retail business-

In Retail, you mark up whatever product as it travels through the distribution channel; ie. the Maker charges the wholesaler, who charges the retailer, who charges the customer.

But in MLM, everyone pays the same price, and then the maker pays OUT from the volume of profit.

It's backwards.

And yet, as far as OWNING an MLM business goes, it's kinda the same. Even though we are actually selling the SYSTEM of business, you could think of it as looking for customers for the product OR the system, and whoever spreads the product the best, gets paid the best.

So, having an MLM business works for the guy who has a SUIT, and BUSINESS CARDS, and it also works for the guy who is in a T-shirt and writes down stuff on napkins-

ESPECIALLY in this internet world.

At least, that's what I think right now.

Let Your Light So Shine Before Men,

Bones Rodriguez

Buy high, sell higher?

Ok, so Google is buying DoubleClick for 3.1 billion dollars.

Further proof that google is going to own a piece of everything you see.

But here's my favorite part:

"Google is buying DoubleClick for 3.1 billion dollars from private equity firm Hellman & Friedman, which acquired DoubleClick two years ago for $1.1 billion."

So, two years, two BILLION dollar profit.

Buy high, sell higher.

What a country!

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